“2 ½ months!” The realization jarred me out from the warm comfort of my bed, or should I say couch, and into the sub-zero temperatures of my basement. Every day I’d been groggily rolling out of my, err… couch, and counting down the months until the fateful day I start traveling full-time.
18months….12 months…8 months…. Time slowly passed as I fell into a routine; work, save, plan, and countdown. So much time that the whole trip seem unreal; step by step I walked down this dark tunnel of routine, no freedom and no end in sight.
2 ½ months was real though! 2 ½ months was only 10 weeks! 10 weeks!! Finally after 18 months, I saw light at the end of the tunnel. BAM! As this became real, a flood of mixed emotions swept over me. It wasn’t what I was expecting.
The first emotions that hit me were sheer excitement, and I’m going to confess, an oversized helping of pride. In 2 ½ months, all the blood (literally, I suffered at least two horrifying paper cuts in this quest) sweat, and tears (all caused from the paper cuts) would be at an end. No more 7 day, 100 hour work weeks. More importantly, in 2 ½ months, I would be on the road; free, alive, and exploring our vast unpredictable world, figuring out my path, and taking in every experience it threw my way. The realization of my dream would be accomplished.
I’m not going to lie; when a wave of sadness rushed in to mix with my excitement I was surprised. The trip had just become real and also the fact that in 10 weeks I didn’t have a freaking clue when I will see me family and friends again. They all mean the world to me, and I’ve sacrificed so much time, more than I should have, with them because I’ve spent the last 18 months working my ass off. Soon I’ll be gone and unless they find a way to come and visit I won’t see them for at least two years.
I’m a little embarrassed to admit, the next wave of emotions was sheer panic with a side of nervous breakdown. My mind started thinking so fast it overheated; killing hundreds on my already limited brain cells (Which is my excuse if this post has any grammar errors).
I wasn’t freaking out about leaving, but I couldn’t stop my mind racing though the millions of questions that were going through my head. Have I saved enough? Have I planned enough, or planned too much? What do I need to do before I leave? (Insert an endless list here) Do I have the balls for this type of life? Now, I don’t want you think I was having doubts. I can honestly say I’ve never once doubted this path. I just have so much left to do and only a small amount of time to do it. It’s a lot of work to start a new life. As weird as it is to say, essentially that’s what I’m doing.
The only answer I have to what drives me is these three powerful little words, when linked together hold can change the course of a life.
“I don’t know”
“I don’t know” why I’m sacrificing this life, but I do know every fiber of my being is screaming that it’s the right thing.
“I don’t know” what awaits me in other countries, who I’ll meet, and what adventures I’ll go on, but I do know I’ve never been so excited to find out anything in my entire life.
“I don’t know” what I’m looking for out there, but I do know the path I’m on and the drive I have, will lead me to it.
Everything inside of me says traveling full-time is right. Inside, I feel the need to wander this beautiful world, to push myself, and discover my limits. Inside, I need to wander crowded markets where I’m the only person who speaks English, to get lost in foreign cities, and to climb far away mountains. I don’t why love these things, but they’re what I love the most.
From the first time I laid eyes on a foreign country, I knew this path was laid out before me. As I reach the end of the tunnel that I’ve walked the last 18 months, a new chapter of my life is starting; a chapter with endless possibilities, adventures, and experiences are on the horizon. My whole life has been building up to this moment; and though the next couple of months will be full of goodbyes, sadness, and more tears than I’ willing to admit; I’m ready to step out of the tunnel and into my new life.
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